I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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