I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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