Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
