At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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