I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
