my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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