Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
