I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
