it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
