this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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