i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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