Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
