It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
