so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
