im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
