I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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