i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
