I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
