One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It all started with a game of naked twister.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
