You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
