he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
