so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
