Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
