i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
