you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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