Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
