Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
