just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
im six kinds of drunk right now
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
