and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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