"it" just moved
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
