Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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