Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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