I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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