U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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