I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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