Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
