Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
