One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
