i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
