so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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