I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
