i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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