kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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