How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He? As in you personified your dick?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
