at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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