I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
