I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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