She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
