I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
