Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
