I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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