Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
